Cows and Test Results

First off, a bit of information for those who are new to our family, William LOVES cows, William at times is OBSESSED with cows, and very specifically black and white cows. It is some weird adoration in his little Autistic mind that if you analyze it, it has to do with black and white and all sorts of psychiatry stuff that is gobbly gook to most of us.  Anyway, there are 2 new babies at the barn and yesterday I took the opportunity to take Will out to see the newborns since he very rarely gets to actually visit with a cow.  Neither are black and white, but I took a chance anyway, and we hit a home run!  I honestly thought I was not going to get him out of the stall of the little black one, he sat there star struck staring at her and gently petting her and if I would have let him he would have laid right down and gone to sleep with her for the night!  He wanted so bad to hug her, but decided not to "just yet, because she is brand new and might get stressed." We will be visiting the babies daily until they move back out to their pastures, and I am officially the coolest mom in the world once again!!  Yay me!!

It's been an eye opening, soul searching, emotional 3 weeks. I have sat down to blog a couple of times, but haven't had the words, or the thought track, or the motivation, to put anything on the screen.  I've read and re-read my blogs from Will's journey thinking that I would find something in there that would spark something in me to write, but nothing.  In fact sometimes I would look at his entries and wonder where on earth those words came from!!!  So, a bit scattered brained and I am sure leaving TONS of information out, here's what's going on with me.

After the whirlwind week since my first MRI, I have been stalled out for almost 3 weeks awaiting the CINE MRI that would show the cerebral spinal fluid flow in and out of my brain and of course give us an actual head MRI since my diagnosis was made off of a spinal MRI that only showed the very base of the skull.  Although we know I have the syrinx and a syrinx is almost always surgical, they needed to know if my Chiari was severe enough that it was blocking spinal fluid flow.  Apparently this is another determining factor for surgery verses medicinal treatments, and would tell us if surgery was needed sooner than later. I was told that as soon as the MRI was done I was to call neurosurgery and let them know, then after they look at it they would either call me with an appointment date or call me with an OR date.

The CINE MRI was on Thursday and I went by myself.  For those that have been around for years, you know that me going to the hospital for tests (usually for Will, but still...) has been a topic of contention.  I live and breathe the medical world and for me it is no big deal to go to work and sit in a waiting room, have IVs started, tests run, etc.  I would prefer to save the offers for company and a second ear for hospitalizations and when we "need" people.  Again, those that have been around go ahead and laugh because you know that I have yet to say "I need you!!" when we have something going on.  So once again I went off to the hospital by myself, after all, I JUST had an MRI last month, and no one was going to tell me any results or big news anyway.  I check in, get my wrist band and sit down to wait... probably what should be the most uneventful and boring part of the entire day.  Ummm, nope!! I look down at the wrist band on my arm, a band I have seen tons of times over the years, and I see "Attending: Pollack, Ania", not my family medicine doctor, not an ED doctor (with me and my horse escapades the ED docs have seen me a few times on their table as well), not my rheumatologist... Ania Pollack is my new doctor, my neurosurgeon. This was the first time I had seen any of it in official black and white hospital record print.  Reality check, this is no longer medical terminology I am rattling off about a patient or a surreal dream that I am not quite sure is happening, this is real, this is happening, and this is me!! So there I sat in the Radiology waiting room bawling my eyes out, and I am sure everyone thought I had lost my mind!  Somehow I get my act together, get through the IV, the MRI, and the drive home, bury myself in my bed with my 20 pillows and sleep my panic away. 
Friday was an appointment with my regular doctor to touch base.  Although I had briefly thought she MIGHT be able to tell me Thursday's MRI results, I figured even if she could, she wouldn't, so I traipse off to the hospital once again on my own.  I sit down in the beautiful new exam room and start talking to the med student and my doctor about all the tests and news from the last month, including Thursday's MRI that "neurosurgery is supposed to call me about soon".  As I say that last part, the med student turns the screen of the computer she is look at towards me. I scan the screen quickly, I'm familiar with the layout from charting and exams for our patients, and I see CINE MRI OFFICIAL REPORT.  Here is where I realize not only should I have probably brought someone along with me, I realize I NEEDED someone with me. Ok, from now on, you guys win, you guys can come, I admit it, this time around I can't stay in health care mode and deal with stuff "later", I can't be the strong mom that you all have looked at over the years and said "I don't know how you do it without losing it."  Apparently when it is in MY head I cannot separate the news and details from the emotions, I can not do this without losing it. 
The MRI confirmed the previous diagnosis of Chiari 1 Malformation with a Syringomyelia at C3-C6 with protrusions of the C6 and C-7 disc and extremely diminished cerebral spinal fluid flow.  Big crazy words simplified- this MRI agreed with the first one that I have a narrowed base of my skull that is pushing my brain into my spinal cord, that there is a gathering of spinal fluid INSIDE my spinal cord, and showed us that there is a block in the flow of my cerebral spinal fluid from my spinal canal to my brain. I've gone back and forth between hoping the flow would be effected so that there was something to correct and possibly take away or at least improve my symptoms and hoping that it was not, because after all this is spine and brain surgery and you really never want something to be seriously wrong with yourself... at least no normal person does.  Now we have the pieces of the puzzle that neurosurgery wanted, and I get to wait for neurosurgery's phone call and my next set of directions.  Have I mentioned that patience is NOT a virtue I possess?  If I haven't, or you don't know that tidbit of info about me, PATIENCE IS NOT A VIRTUE I POSSESS!! Anyone know where you can buy patience? Anyone know a sorceress that can conjure up a patience spell for me?  Somehow, I think I am going to have to figure out what this patience thing is all about....